I didn’t realize this until the end of class today. Today was my last class to teach at Stanford, and the last one I’m going to teach in the foreseeable future.
It’s pretty hard to describe my current emotional state. I really hope my kids turn out well. I’m not sure how I’m going to function without teaching more of them.
But it’s an immense change. I didn’t really expect that today. It’s like signing off, turning off the lights, and heading off – but more so. In some ways I’m feeling accomplished, that I’ve done fairly well as a teacher, and my students (7 years’ worth of them now! Some of my students’ students are graduate students already) have done well; I’m immensely proud of all of them, and I can still remember them in ridiculous levels of detail, what each one was good at, and so on. So in that sense, it’s a bit like getting promoted to a new and very different rank; I’ve successfully done these things, left a real impression, and am going on to something new.
But mostly, it’s just an incomprehensible shift. I’ve been a teacher for a long time now, and stopping that is really difficult to fathom.
I need to get some new students, of some sort or another.
Sorry, I’m rambling at this point. I can’t really write a coherent sentence right now. But… um… wow.